Burst Into Flames: A Parable Page 9
CHAPTER 8
“Reveal to me the way I should go, because I long for you.”
Psalm 143:8
The next morning Blake woke with just a hint of optimism. He ate some breakfast, checked email, flipped across the channels on the TV, then found himself without anything to do. He noticed his Bible sitting on the table. He had mixed feelings about going to God. While he really wanted salvation and a closeness to God, he was scared. God didn't listen to his prayers when he prayed for Elaine. God might not listen to him now. Or maybe God will listen and draw him in to be some sort of Jesus-freak that spends his whole life in Africa working with AIDS patients.
He sat down in front of the Bible. It was still open to Matthew 7. Right there, it said, “Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord!' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of My Father in heaven.” Blake wondered aloud, “Do I do Your will? Will I go to heaven?” He didn't really expect it, but he didn’t hear an answer to his question.
He remembered how Nicole had talked about praising God. She used the Psalms for praise. He flipped back to Psalms. “There are a lot of Psalms here,” he thought. “I wonder how I find the praise Psalms?” He knew that Nicole had specifically mentioned a couple of her favorite praise Psalms, but he had no recollection of which ones she had said.
He read a random line on the open page, “The Ephramite archers turned back on the day of the battle. They did not keep God's covenant...” That did not sound like praise, so he flipped a few more pages and saw the sub-title for Psalm 111, “Praise for the Lord's Works”. He thought that this sounded more promising. He read aloud,
Hallelujah! I will praise the Lord with all my heart in the assembly of the upright and in the congregation. The Lord's works are great, studied by all who delight in them. All that he does is splendid and majestic; His righteousness endured forever. He has caused His wonderful works to be remembered. The Lord is gracious and compassionate. He has provided food for those who fear Him; He remembers His covenant forever. He has shown His people the power of His works by giving them the inheritance of the nations. The works of His hands are truth and justice; all His instructions are trustworthy. They are established forever and ever, enacted in truth and uprightness. He has sent redemption to His people. He has ordained His covenant forever. His name is holy and awe-inspiring. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow His instructions have good insight. His praise endures forever.25
“Lord, are you trying to tell me something or what?” Blake said, “First you have Bob and Nicole both talk about finding your will for my life, but that scares me, so you lead me right to, 'all His instructions are trustworthy'. How do I really know whether I can really trust you when you let me down with Elaine?
“Oh, Lord, I do miss her so very much. I do thank you for the years that we got to spend together. Without a doubt, she was the best thing that ever happened to me. When I read that scripture about the magnificence of your works, I can't help but remember the trip that Elaine and I took to the little town in the Colorado Rockies. That whole trip was filled with the glories of your creation and you gave me Elaine who just sucked it all in so she could give you praise for it.
“I especially remember our time on the red bench. Overlooking that little town and facing what must be the most beautiful mountain you ever made, Elaine and I sat on that red bench, held hands and prayed together. I have never felt closer to You.”
“I know that you have so much goodness, I have seen it in Elaine. She was your child, she really delighted in you. I know that you walked with her. Oh, Lord, I want that. I want what Elaine had. I want to be close to you, but I just don't know how to do it. Help me. Help me figure out how to get close to you.
“Lord, I am sure that something has come between us or else you would have answered my prayers and healed Elaine. I can only imagine that you let her die to punish me. I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry. I ask your forgiveness in the name of Jesus. Amen.”
Blake sat there for a moment wondering if God was hearing his prayers and ignoring him or if his prayers weren't reaching God at all.
His phone rang, interrupting his thoughts. It was Andy.
Andy said, “Hey bud, I have an 11:00 meeting close to your place. What do you say we grab a bite of lunch after my meeting?”
Since Andy wasn't sure exactly when his meeting would end, they agreed that Andy would give Blake a call when he was finished and they would meet at a BBQ place that was about a half mile from Blake's apartment. Blake was happy to have something on his agenda for the day.
As Blake and Andy sat waiting for their food, they caught up on the news. Then Andy asked, “So how are things with you? Are you going to be ready for the office next week?”
“Yeah, I guess” said Blake. “There are some things that I wish I could work out before I go back to the grind. This time off has given me a lot of time to think.”
Andy said, “You still trying to work out some Elaine things, huh?”
“Actually,” said Blake, “I am trying to work out some God things. I really, really want to be with Elaine in heaven. I'm just not sure that's where I'm going to wind up.”
Andy was shocked, “Oh get real, that's nuts. Of course you are going to heaven. You are a really good person and you go to church all the time. Haven't you looked around you? This world is full of wicked, evil people, but you are honest and kind. Besides, God is love. I can't really think that he is going to kick very many people to hell, except maybe a few of the really bad people. You really don't have a thing to worry about!”
Blake said, “Hmm, well, I don't know. Let me ask you this: Do you think that God speaks to people – like to give them instructions or callings or whatever?”
“Why,” Andy asked, half kidding, “have you been hearing voices talking to you?”
“No,” Blake laughed, “I was just wondering.”
“No, I don't think God talks to people except maybe in very rare, special circumstances and I'm not even sure about that.”
He continued, “Last week I watched an old movie with Ashley. I don't guess you have met Ashley, she is my current girlfriend. Anyway, we watched Evan Almighty. It had this guy that was a modern-day senator. God came to him and told him to build an ark, like Noah. So, right there in suburban Virginia, he builds this huge boat, it was like as long as a football field. Anyway, everybody thought he was totally nuts when he claimed that God told him to do it.
“While I know this was just a dumb movie, people assume that somebody that hears from God is insane. I think it would be more socially acceptable to say, 'My Rice Krispies told me to do it' than to say, 'God told me to do it.'”
They both laughed, then Andy went on, “I guess if somebody said, 'God told me to go to Bible school and become a preacher.' and that was consistent with their character, then there might not be any eyebrows raised. But if somebody was using God as an excuse to do something really weird, then people might be thinking psychosis.”
From there, the conversation wandered onto things going on at work. Blake tucked Andy's ideas into the back of his mind to think about later.
As Blake was driving back home after lunch, he began thinking about Andy's idea of, “You really don't have a thing to worry about!” when his phone rang. He saw that it was Mark calling.
Mark said, “If you don't have any plans, can you come over to the house tonight? We need to test out our new patio furniture. I've got some salmon steaks swimming in a sweet habanero marinade that will be awesome on the grill.”
Blake responded, “OK, will Beth be there or will I have to put up with you alone?”
“As it turns out, having you over was Beth's idea. She was looking forward to talking to you.”
“You know,” Blake said, “that you and Beth treat me better than I deserve. I would love to come for dinner.”
Mark said, “That's great, how's 6i
sh sound?”
“I'll be there. Can I bring anything?” said Blake.
“I think Beth has everything under control, she didn't mention anything, so just bring yourself.”