Burst Into Flames: A Parable Page 8

CHAPTER 7

  “It is not good for the man to be alone...” Genesis 2:18

  As the end of the working day approached, Blake called Mark to see if he was available that evening.

  “Well,” Mark said, “I had told Beth that we would go out tonight to shop for a set of patio furniture. Would you like to come along?...or if there is something specific you need, I'm sure Beth would understand.”

  Blake told him to go ahead and enjoy his time with Beth. As he said it, he was thinking ‘enjoy every minute with your wife, because you never know when God might choose to rip her out of your arms.’

  So, there he was, alone. He needed to eat something, he was getting pretty hungry. He tried to think what he had eaten for lunch, but he couldn't remember ever eating lunch. He did not want to be in the apartment any more today, he wanted people.

  He decided to go to the mall food-court for his dinner. When he arrived, he saw the mall wasn't very busy. He realized that this may be normal for a Monday evening. He purchased some Chinese food and a soft drink and sat down.

  With Elaine, they would always hold hands and pray for a moment over their food. He wondered if God cared whether he prayed or not. Then, he concluded that he should pray, just because it was part of Elaine.

  As he ate, he looked around the food-court. He saw a table of deaf people that were signing to one another. There was a table of high school kids where the girls wore too-short skirts and the guys looked like athletes. There was a table with a mom and six kids, although the kids appeared to be having a good time, the mom looked stressed. There were several couples ranging from their teens to their 70's. He also saw 2 other people sitting alone. Somehow, it didn't make him feel any better that he wasn't the only one sitting alone.

  There was a couple sitting near him that seemed to be really enjoying each other's company. They would talk intently, and then laugh together. They didn't appear to notice that there was anybody else around them, they were absorbed in each other and only slightly distracted from that interest to eat their dinner.

  It didn't take much imagination for Blake to see them as Blake and Elaine, just enjoying each other. There were so many times that He and Elaine had sat in this mall food court, oblivious to the multitude around them. They would be in a crowd, but it was like they were alone. How he wished he could share just one more meal with his Elaine!

  As Blake finished eating his food he began to wander around the mall. He saw many small groups of people having fun, just having normal lives. People would laugh over one another's jokes, they would get excited over one thing or another. Many were moving quickly, purposefully through the mall. To Blake, it looked like everybody, but him, had people and satisfying lives.

  As he walked through the mall, he passed some clothing stores that Elaine would always want to visit. While he had gone into those stores without her before, it was always to find a gift for her. There certainly was no point in visiting those stores now.

  As he would pass store windows, he would see the new spring fashions displayed. Occasionally he would find himself thinking, “Wouldn't Elaine look cute in that?” This thought would be followed by Blake mentally kicking himself.

  Blake wandered into the Apple store. He was idly looking at the latest and greatest toys. A sales girl, whose name tag identified her as Mandy, asked him if she could help him. He noted that this was the first person that had spoken to him since he had bought his food. He asked Mandy several questions about the product in front of him. He wasn't really interested in buying anything; he was just desperate for any kind of human interaction. As he left the Apple store, he felt a bit guilty for taking up the girl's time, when he knew all along that he wasn't going to buy anything.

  Next, Blake wandered into the Christian bookstore. He wondered if there might be something in here that would help him. As he went up and down, looking at titles, he recalled something Elaine would say, “There are so many 'Christian' books and so many of them are total trash. Why read what people have to say about what is in the Bible, when you can read the Bible for yourself? It’s like reading travel reviews instead of traveling, its never going to be as good. The Holy Spirit will reveal to a person what they need to know, if they simply read the Bible, being open to His leading.”

  Blake wandered right back out of the bookstore and out of the mall. The weather was starting to look like a storm might be coming in, this matched Blake's darkening mood. He sat in his car wondering what he should do next. He really wanted somebody to talk to. He wished it could be Elaine, she always made him feel better.

  He thought of calling Mark, be he really didn't want to interfere with Mark and Beth's evening. He could call Bob, but he had just bugged Bob this morning. There is always Andy, but he knew Andy was out with the guys.

  What about that gal...what was her name...oh yeah, Nicole. He wondered if he had her number with him. He looked in his billfold and found it. Blake stared at the slip of paper and wondered, did she really mean what she said, would it be OK if he called her? She lost her husband, it sure seems like she will understand what he's going through.

  Blake took a deep breath and dialed the number on his cell phone. After 2 rings, he was beginning to have second thoughts, he was thinking of hanging up. Then, a female voice answered, “Hello”.

  Blake hadn't really thought through what he was going to say, so he stammered a bit as he said, “Hi, Nicole. Uh, I'm not sure if you remember me, but my name is Blake Jacobs, I came to your...”

  Nicole interrupted, “Blake! God is simply amazing. Yes, I most certainly do remember you. In fact, even when the phone was ringing, I was praying for you. When my phone rang, I kinda thought...it...was like...probably you calling. Isn't that strange? God never fails to astonish me.”

  “You were really praying for me?” asked Blake.

  “I was reading and the Lord…well, He interrupted what I was doing and had me pray for you.” said Nicole.

  Blake said, “Does that happen very often, that the Lord has you do things?”

  Nicole answered, “I don't know, often enough. He mostly tells me things I should pray about, sometimes even waking me up in the middle of the night to pray for somebody. Sometimes I find out they were in a crisis and sometimes I never hear what it was all about, but my job is to be obedient.”

  There was a pause as Blake processed how casually she talked about God speaking to her. She went on, “He also occasionally tells me other things. He told me something I should tell you. He wanted you to know that He hasn't taken His hand off of you.”

  Blake didn't know why he completely believed her. He didn't know why he didn't just hang up on her as a total nut-case. He also didn't know why there were tears in his eyes. All he could manage to say, sitting in his car in the mall parking lot was, “Really? God?” and in little more than a squeak, “Me?”

  “Oh, Blake” said Nicole sympathetically, “How about you let me pray with you right now?”

  He managed to say, “OK.”

  “Lord Jesus, your child, Blake, is hurting. As I remember what it feels like, it is as if his very body and soul are ripped in half. My Jesus, You are the comfort that Blake needs, You are the source of the strength he needs, You are the fountain from which new faith can flow into him. You are everything that he needs. Lord, help him to be still and know that you are God. Jesus, help him to allow you to be God in the entirety of his life. Please Lord Jesus, love him into healing through your wonderful comfort. We give you the praise forever and ever. In your name we pray. Amen.”

  Somehow, Blake did feel a little better. He thanked her for praying for him.

  She said, “If you don't mind, tell me what you are struggling with? What's going on inside your mind?”

  “Well,” answered Blake, “I really, really miss my Elaine. It seems like something is wrong with the world, not having her around. It seems that everything that happens, I want to tell her about. Eve
rything is a reminder that she isn't here anymore.”

  He paused. When she didn't speak, he went on, “More than that, I really want to be sure that I am going to see her in heaven, but I'm just not sure. It just doesn't seem like God is there for me. My faith is weak and it just seems like I am too. I think it is because of some things I've done, I think He has turned his back on me.”

  His tears were flowing freely as he said, “I am just so terribly lonely right now. Even when I am around people, I just feel totally alone. I can't believe that I just called a near-total-stranger, because I wanted somebody, anybody, to talk to. I can't believe I am telling you all this either.”

  She laughed and said, “Blake, haven't you already figured this out? This is so much a God-thing. He arranged for us to meet. He laid you on my heart to pray for you. He got you into the state where you would make that call. He wanted you to know that He hasn't forgotten you or turned his back on you: His hand is still on you!”

  “Blake, you are his precious child. He will never leave you or forsake you. Ever. He loves you more than you can imagine.”

  Blake said, “I hear what you say, but He sure isn't very obvious about it, if it is true. He took away the one thing that made life worth living, my precious Elaine. Then, He seems to be so far away from me. When I pray, it is like talking to a rock, a rock that isn't even there.”

  Nicole said, “Blake, I am so sorry that things are difficult. I don't know if it will be helpful or not, but there are a couple of things that helped me after Joshua died. I had to force myself to remember that He is God. He knows what He is doing. He is active in people's lives even when they can't see Him working and He works through adversity for His greater plan. I read a lot of Old Testament during that time, so I would be reminded of His power and His perfect plan.

  “I also spent a lot of time praising God. Beside the fact that we are commanded to praise Him, when we keep praising him for who He is, we can focus ourselves and combat doubts. He says He inhabits the praise of His people. When I am living a life that gives Him praise, then I am much more aware of His presence.”

  Blake responded, “I don't feel like I have much to be praising Him for.”

  Nicole said, “That's the thing, you don't have to praise Him for things, give Him praise for who He is. Praise Him for being loving, for being a God of grace, for being a God that carries out His perfect plan. Give Him praise for being compassionate, all powerful, yet merciful. Praise Him for being your source of strength, your source of hope and your source of faith. Praise God that He loves you, in spite of everything that is wrong about you. Praise Him that he is holy, pure and righteous. Give Him praise that He knows all things, has perfect wisdom and that there is no limit to what He can do.”

  She went on, “Even when a person is in the worst situation, they can still give God praise. It is in those very times, when a person can get the greatest benefit from giving God praise. Satan loves to take advantage of our difficulties, but he has no power in the face of praise.”

  Blake asked, “Praise Him, huh?”

  Nicole giggled, “I know it sounds a bit crazy, but God knew what He was doing when He told us to praise Him. If you look in the Psalms, you will see many Psalms that are just solid praise. I particularly like 104 and 145, but there are lots of them in there. When I get down, I tend to spend a lot of time in the Psalms. If you aren't used to praying praise, just read the praise Psalms out loud as prayers, directing the praise to God. It always makes me feel better.”

  “Well I guess that might be OK,” said Blake, “but I'm really not sure God is listening when I pray.”

  Nicole said, “There are times that I can't tell whether He is hearing my prayers, but actually praise can help here, too. When I start my prayer time off with praise, it is sort of like dialing your phone, it helps make the connection to God. Well, that's not exactly right. I don't really know how it works, I just know that it helps me know that God is listening.”

  “That's an interesting idea.” said Blake. “Can I ask you something that has been bothering me?”

  “What's that?”

  “Do you have a feel for who is going to heaven and who isn't?

  “Oh my! I could certainly quote you some pat answer, but I don't really think that's what you need. Well...” Nicole thought carefully about how to answer the question and said, “I think the answer is 'not always'. I am sure that those people that have dedicated and submitted their life to the Lord are going to heaven. I am also sure that those people that shunned Christ and going to wind up in hell. The problem is that there is a wide gulf between those 2 positions.

  “Personally,” Nicole continued, “I have always been struck by that verse in Revelation 2 or 3, where God says something like, 'you are neither hot or cold and I'll spew you out of my mouth.'23 God isn't very interested in Christians that just dabble in church. I really don't think that buys a ticket to heaven.

  “This isn't really something I think much about,” Nicole paused, thinking, “but there are a lot of people that are in church, many of them really good people, that just don't show much evidence of Christ in their lives. I sound so judgmental, which isn't what I mean to do. This is hard, let me try again. There are some things that the Bible says that Christ will do in the life of a believer. He will help them love and forgive. He will provide them with strength, peace, joy, hope and patience. Jesus promises he will guide His people in righteousness and in making godly decisions.

  “But, when I look around the churches, I see so much hopelessness, sadness and weakness. I see people that are one crisis away from a breakdown, one wink away from marital unfaithfulness or one boat away from leaving the church. To me, this doesn't look like a life that is full of Jesus. I don't know, Blake, maybe their experience with Christ is just very different than mine, but in my life Jesus acts more like the Jesus of the Bible. We can never know the eternal destination of any other person and I know that I sure don't understand the works of God, but if I were one of those people, I would be worried.”

  Nicole continued, “I once heard a preacher say that 'when Jesus moves in, He likes to redecorate'. He is God. He is holy. He loves His people. When He walks with a Christian, that Christian is blessed and it seems that they can't be the same as they were before. While Jesus doesn't make a Christian perfect, I would still expect some Christ-like-ness to be evident.

  “If the reason there aren't any signs of Christ is because He isn't in there, then I'm not sure that person can have His forgiveness, no matter how much they attend church. It somehow feels wrong to suggest that these people might not be going to heaven. Am I being judgmental or holier-than-thou?” she asked.

  Blake answered, “I don't think so, you are just telling me how you read the Bible and if it happens to apply to some people, then that isn't being judgmental. So, how has Christ changed you?”

  “Oh, wow,” Nicole responded, “umm, I guess the biggie would have to be giving me strength. My last 5 years have been something that I could never have survived without His presence. I think I told you that my husband died in a car wreck almost 5 years ago. There were actually 2 deaths in that accident. I was driving Joshua to pick up his car at the repair shop when some kid in an SUV came through a red light. He hit us right in the passenger door. Joshua died 2 days later.”

  Blake asked, “So the other driver died, too?”

  “No,” Nicole said, “He didn't even have a scratch. At the time of the accident, I was 5 weeks pregnant with our first child. I lost the baby a few hours after the accident. That was the other death that was caused by the wreck.”

  “Good golly, I bet you wanted to beat the snot out of that kid.” said Blake.

  “I don't remember being mad at him. All my concern was with Joshua. I have some vague memory of the kid fretting around at the accident scene, he was obviously scared to death. I don't really have any clear memory of him or too much of anything
from that day, but I heard later that he was a new driver.”

  Blake asked, “You have spent 5 years recovering from Joshua's death?”

  “Well, kinda,” said Nicole, “but life didn't get any easier after that. A year and a half later I was diagnosed with breast cancer.”

  “Oh, cancer is what got my Elaine. That must have been scary.”

  “I did keep wishing Joshua was there, but I wasn't really very scared. It was...well...it was like when I was a little girl and I'd get scared, I'd go to my Daddy, climb up into his lap, he would put his big arms around me and tell me, 'everything's gonna be OK, don't you fret, Daddy's gonna take care of you.' As a little girl, that always made me feel better.

  “My Daddy isn't around anymore, but now I rely on God. There have been so many times when I just wanted to give up, but God always helps. I can rest in His arms and know that He is taking care of me. Not only is he more capable than my human father, but I don't ever have to come out of those comforting arms. I do not doubt that my Heavenly Father loves me and cares for me. He provides me with so much strength that, in many ways, I am no longer the person I used to be. He made it possible to make it through Joshua's death, my cancer and all the stresses of living in this broken world.

  “It was only through His strength that I was able to open up a business. The Nikki that existed before I truly trusted in Christ would never have had the guts, determination or the strength to go it on my own. You would never believe how timid and fearful I used to be.”

  Blake said, “That's really cool. Can I ask you one more question? Can a person really know if they are going to heaven or not?”

  Nicole responded quickly, “Oh yes, absolutely...well...sort of...hmmm.” She thought for a moment and said, “It is kinda like this, when I was 16 years old, I had my first boyfriend. There was a mad flurry of new emotions, sensations and hormones kicking in. In my teen-aged way, I thought this must be real love. Of course, it was only 3 weeks later that I had declared him a jerk and the relationship ended. But, the important thing, is that I had never experienced romantic love, so I assumed that everything I was feeling must constitute real love. In the same way, when people get a small sniff of Jesus, they experience an amazing bit of him and they can do like the 16-year-old me did, and assume this must be the real thing. I experienced real love when I met Joshua and it made my 16-year-old experience seem like nothing, and furthermore I knew it was really love. When a person really walks within the lordship of Jesus, it is absolutely amazing. When you have that real relationship with Jesus, you know you are saved. At least I did anyway, I guess I can't speak for everybody's experience.”

  Continuing, she said, “So I don't exactly know how to answer your question. I believe that when people are really saved, they know it. However, there are also other people that may think they have the real Jesus when they only have his shadow.”

  Blake said, “A friend of mine recently referred to people as being deceived. Does that sound like the right term?”

  “Probably yes,” said Nicole, “it would surely benefit Satan, the great deceiver, if he could make people believe they were saved when they weren't. They wouldn't even try to do better, they wouldn't even know they were lost.”

  Blake asked, “When did you really get close to Jesus?”

  “That was during my college years.” said Nicole. “I came out of high school with some faith, but it wasn't very solid. When I first arrived at college, my faith got pushed out by all the distractions. I had a roommate my freshmen year that seemed a bit odd and we really didn't hit it off. My sophomore year I roomed with a party-buddy. During that year, my first-year roommate killed herself. I hardly knew the girl and didn't even like her much, but her death really hit home for me. I finally got involved with a campus ministry and was going to church. To the dismay of my new roommate, my party activities got seriously curbed. I found myself so hungry for Christ. I just couldn't get enough. In this time, I realized that the right relationship for me with Jesus was to let Him be in charge. I reached the point that I could sincerely give Him my whole life to use however He wants. I set aside everything I wanted and just allowed Him to take my life and use it for His kingdom.”

  Blake asked, “Wasn't that a little scary, just to put Him in charge? What if He wanted you to go to Africa or something?”

  Nicole laughed gently, “Maybe I should have been more scared, but I knew that whatever plan He had for my life was the absolute best plan. Blake, I am convinced that the most powerful prayer in the whole world is to allow Jesus to be in charge of your whole life, taking your life where He wants. I can't say there haven't been a few stumbles along the way, but in general, from the time I made that prayer, Christ has walked right with me.”

  “Wow, that's pretty wild.” Blake asked, “So, even with the bad turns that your life has taken, you still believe that His plan for your life was the best one?”

  “I can't say I didn't wonder a few times, like when Joshua died, but I still trust Him even when I can't see the point of things. But, in His world, He is able to bring lots of good out of bad things.”

  Blake said, “Maybe you can trust like that, but I really can't imagine anything good ever coming out of the death of my Elaine.”

  “The Lord has a way of surprising us. The classic bringing good-out-of-bad story from scripture is the story of Joseph.24 Who would have ever imagined any good coming out of him being sold into slavery by his jealous brothers? But, by the time God is done with Joseph, Joseph has saved his people, something that couldn't have happened if he had continued to live with his brothers. I know that He can bring good out of Elaine's death. We'll just have to wait to see what he does.”

  “I guess,” said Blake.

  Nicole said gently, “Blake, one thing that my experiences have taught me is that God doesn't want us to despair. He is hope. If we let Him be hope in our lives, then the despair goes away. He loves you, Blake, more than you can imagine.”

  They concluded the conversation with Nicole's invitation to call her anytime he wanted to talk. Blake looked around as he put away his cell phone and was astonished to realize that the mall had closed while he had been talking to Nicole. The parking lot was mostly deserted.

  Blake started the car and began heading home, thinking about their conversation. He hadn't been too sure about her at the beginning, but now he concluded he liked her frank manner, even if she did talk a lot.

  He thought about her concept of praising God as a way to focus on the good. This was a new idea to him. Previously, when he had thought of praise, he just thought of the praise choruses they sang at church. He knew that his mind had been a battlefield of conflicting thoughts and ideas since Elaine's death. He also knew that many of the things in his head weren't healthy and beneficial. Perhaps it made sense to try praising God as a healthy substitute for the undesirable lines of thought.

  He really did want to know that God was hearing his prayers. Nicole had experienced that having praise as part of prayer time, would help with that. For perhaps the hundredth time, he thought that he really needed to set aside a time in his routine for prayer and Bible. Right now his life seemed to be without any sort of routine at all. Elaine had always done her “private time” in the morning before work. Blake had tried that, but he just wasn't enough of a morning person to be dedicated to it. There always seemed to be something else that needed to be done instead.

  Nicole sure was insistent that it was essential to let God be in charge of your life. Her comments on letting God lead somehow seemed different than how he had heard other people talk about the subject. She really believed that we can give our lives to God and He will tell you what you need to do with your life. Is this really essential if we want to get close to God or just even to go to heaven?

  It suddenly occurred to Blake that just this morning, Bob had been talking about finding the path that God has for your life. Is God trying to tell h
im something? Is God trying to alert him to a calling He has for him? What might God ask him to do?

  The image of himself as a pastor came into his mind and made him chuckle. This was followed immediately by a clenching of his stomach in fear. What if God really did have that in mind for him? That would be terrifying!